1. mumble when you speak

2. call them every five minutes "just to say hi."

3. spread filthy rumors about them

4. put vaseline all over their locker

5. get a porno mag and put a fake adress sticker on it with their

name displayed prominently. Drop it in the mall, the parking lot,

etc etc...

6. give them herpies

7. follow them around smiling alot

8. touch thier car a lot

9. touch them a lot

10. vomit on them at the least appropriate time. i.e. during

school!

11. send them junk mail

12. smile a lot and laugh incessantly. laugh at everything they

say including hints such as: SHUT UP!!!

13. ask them embarrassing questions like DID YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH

TODAY? or DID YOU FORGET TO WASH YOUR HAIR?

14. pry. especially into things that are none of your business

15. spit all over them when you talk. P,B,S,F, are good letters

16. tell a friend you hate them but don't say why

17. cough on them, sneeze on them

18. stare at them

19. when they are talking to you:

stare at their eyebrows

squint at them

keep looking over at something behind them

pick your nose

yawn

20. order them things...

diaper service

5 tons of gravel

pizza flowers

mulch

all these things usually bill you later

21. send them love letters from their least favorite person.

22. poke them with things

23. ask them why they cut their hair

24. compliment them on their least admirable qualites. ASK THEM

IF THEY KNEW THEY LOOKED LIKE A PORPOISE.

25. sign them up for a CD club with their most hated music as

their main selection

26. take their picture all the time

27. ACCIDENTLY drop their name and phone number in trashy parts

of town

28. kidnap their pets and put packaging tape all over them

29. drain their steering fluid

30. steal their gas cap

31. let them know when they have messed up

32. sing to them

33. unplug all their appliances

34. unscrew all their light bulbs just enough so they dont work

35. take the bolts off the front whell of their bicycle

36. make up stupid nick names like JIMBO and DAN THE MAN. get

others to use them

37. accidently set them on fire

38. place syringes on them and alert the proper athorities

39. call them bad names like Queen Daryl and Bunnyfucker

40. tell their mothers they do drugs, sign them up for New

Beginnings

41. everyone has defects, point their out in flyers, on bathroom

walls, and over school PA systems

42. murder their animals and make it look like road kill

43. call the phone company and have thier line disconnected

44. do meaningnless things to their house like leaving celery on

the door at night

45. accidently drop a dye tablet in the washer

46. talk about them on live television

47. put gum in their hair... on their seat... in their shoes...

48. constantly remind them that a relative died, make jokes about

it

49. check out library books on their name, rent movies for them,

make long distance phone calls from their house

50. whenever anybody asks your name, USE THEIRS! especially when

doing somehting illegal

51. change all the clocks in their house to different times

52. set clock alarms to go off at three o clock in the morning

53. flip all their circuit breakers and steal all their fuses

54. turn on the heater in the summer and the cooler in the winter

55. drop alkaseltzer into their fishtank

56. put refrigerator magnets on every screen you see (epsecially

computers)

57. did you know that if you haold a razor blade with the sharp

edge at a 90 degree angle with a window and run it up and down it

makes a really bloodcurdling noise.

58. tear the last page out of books

59. tell them there is a party at some deserted loaction

60. did you know that alum is sold in the spice section of your

local supermarket? it is possibly the sickest tasting white

powder ever invented. it goes well on salads... in drinks...

61. put broken glass in the swimming pool

62. misuse words ( Freudian Slip )

63. pour a bottle of Nyquil into the punch.

64. there is a little screw on those things that amke doors close

real slow labeled SPEED. turn it one direction until it falls

out. It will slam quite nicely now

65. lamp oil kills lawns  DEAD!

66. let the air out of their front left tire

67. give their dog a nice yummy hunk of meat with laxitive on/in

it. put the dog in the house

68. super glue a quarter to the floor in the mall

69. get a garage door opener and drive through suburbia until one

opens

70. place a cup of rotting eggs and milk near their houses

ventilation intake

71. put a padlock on their fence and lose the key

72. remove their lawn mower blade

73. degause their tape collection

74. talk with your mouth full

75. put crushed garlic under their car seat

76. did you know volkswagons are air tight (mostly) roll up all

the windows except one and stick a hose in. roll it up the rest

of the way, turn it on

77. format all the school computers

78. relabel all their video tapes, chemicals, disks, etc...

79. sell everything they own via the classified ads in the paper

80. tap rythmically with you fingers, pencils, rulers...

81. turn up the oven

82. scream and perform a seizure during lunch time in the

caffeteria

83. grunt now and then

84. ask why every time they speak

85. slurp drinks

86. drool during a conversation with an authority figure

87. did you notice that some brands of cat food look just like

tuna? swithch labels

89. ALL teachers keep asprin in their desks, switch it with nytol

90. breath like a horse

91. sell them encyclopedias at four o clock in the morning

92. loosen one link in their bike chain

93. saran wrap over the toilet seat

94. raod kill is the gift that keeps on giving

95. keep sending mail to Abe Froman and use their adress get

others to do so

96. when they are driving suddenly scream as loud as you can then

stop

97. turn their car stereo up all the way before they go someplace

98. place a few good size hunks of dry ice in a 2 liter plastic

soda bottle, add some rit dye ( preferably red liquid dye ) close

the lid throw it into their hot tub and run like hell

99. writing in candle wax does not come off, in the summer it

melts on white pavement and turns dark grey. write your favorite

slogan on your friends drive way.